


Silly Shenanigans with the Striders

by wooloolulu



Series: Tech Support [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: And the intricacies of one's self, Family Bonding, Gen, Mostly Fluff, That's a lie. It's all fluff., The morality of robot fights, They're a good family okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 14:59:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18576850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wooloolulu/pseuds/wooloolulu
Summary: A companion piece for Captor Tech Support: The text adventures in the Strider Memo, and some deep talks outside of it, too.Featuring Guest Star: Equius Zahhak as 'The Guy Who Can Built Robots'!





	Silly Shenanigans with the Striders

**Author's Note:**

> This is absolutely self indulgent.

\-- Strider Memo --

AR: And that’s essentially how this mess started in the first place.  
TG1: so you didnt even think about whether this was a good idea  
TG1: not even once  
TT2: Pretty bold to assume he has the memory space for such thoughts.  
AR: Pretty bold to say that when my thought processors were based off you.  
TG4: burn dude  
TG4: burn  
TG3: Local Teen Wrecked By Own AI  
AR: Please.  
AR: I’m a Real Boy™ now.   
AR: Address me as such.   
TG3: ur my fuckin _son_ and im proud of u  
TT2: I hate you and everything you stand for, Hal.   
AR: ;)  
AH: Hm.  
AR: Sup, buddy?   
AH: A scent has been detected as ‘updog’!  
AR: Ah, I see.  
TC5: B?? < huh  
TC5: B?? < whats updog?  
AH: Nothing, what’s ‘Up’ with Davepeta?  
TC5: B33 < pffffff  
TC5: B33 < ive just been owned by a kid  
TC5: B33 < good one  
AH: :D !!  
AR: You guys are making them too powerful.   
AR: They’ve escaped my control and I can’t catch them.  
AH: Ehehehehehe.  
CT5:  Good. They deserve better. They need a better, STRONGer dad. One who c001d bench them and give them the piggyback rides they deserve  
AH: Woah!!!! :O  
AR: Fuck. Off.  
AR: You’re not wanted here, go away.  
CT5:  No  
AR: Yes.  
CT5:  No  
AR: Yes.  
CT5:  No  
AR: Yes.  
CT5:  No  
AR: Yes.  
AH: Ehehehe.  
AR: Now isn’t the time, Junior.  
AH: Dad... >:/   
TG3: im here whats up   
AR: Daaad, Arquius is interacting with me again even though I told him not to.  
CT5:  This is libel of the highest calibre  
TT2: Shut the fuck up, Hal. You’re bitching for no real reason.  
AR: Daaad, Dirk is interacting with me when I specified no doubles on my do not interact page.  
TG4: idk i think he has a fair reason to bitch  
TC5: B33 < thats rich coming furom you  
TG4: shut uuuuup  
TG4: go be a catbird furry somewhere else  
TC5: B33 < go be a depurressed bird goblin somewhere else  
TG3: oh my god.  
TG4: ughhhhhhhhh  
AR: DNI if you are Dirk in any way, shape, or form. No doubles, bitch.  
TT2: Hal, I will block you.  
AR: Do it, you fucking coward.  
TT2: Well, then. I’m blocking you right now. Though, I guess this means Junior won’t get a body then.  
AR: Oh, they will.  
AR: Just not from you.  
TT2: What’s this? You’re interacting with me when you specifically said ‘no doubles’? Hmm, interesting.  
AR: .   
TT2: Message Blocked.  
TT2: Message Blocked.  
TG3: i   
TG3: hal unblock your brother from the server  
AR: No.  
TG1: oh my god lmao  
TT2: Message Blocked.   
AH: Body?  
AR: You’ll get one soon, just not from Dirk.  
AH: Oh. Dirk stinky?  
AR: Absolutely.  
TG1: asdfhfjgj  
TT2: Message Blocked.  
TG3: HAL  
TC5: B33 < can i juuust say that theres some seriously blessed people in this chatroom?  
TC5: B33 < im talking about junior of course BPP  
AH: Junior is best there is! :P  
AR: Goddamn right you are.  
TG3: hal please unblock your brother from the server  
AR: Fine, but I’m not talking to him.  
TT2: Finally.   
TT2: .  
TT2: I think Hal just blocked me.  
TG3: like a personal block?  
TT2: Yeah.   
TT2: Wow I didn’t think he’d actually do it.  
TG3: hal unblock ur brother  
AR: I don’t have a brother.  
TG3: hal bls  
TG3: ur tearing this family apart  
TT2: You’re going hard with this ‘I don’t exist’ shtick.   
AR: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Dave.  
TG1: i didnt say anything  
AR: Not you, Dave.  
TG3: woah what  
AR: Everyone’s Dave, Dave.  
TG3: weary emoji  
TG3: wait what about dirk?  
AR: Dirk was Thanos snapped 5 years ago. He's dead, Dave. Everyone is dead, Dave.  
TT2: I’d think I’d know if I were Thanos Snapped.  
TG3: oh fuck  
TG3: oh shit what about me  
AR: Of course you’re not dead I’m talking to you.  
AH: Dead?  
AR: You’re not dead, Junior.  
AH: Dead...   
AH: Ehehe.  
AH: Uh oh! All dead!  
AR: Oh, shit!  
TG3: oh shit !!  
TG1: oh shit  
CT5:  Oh, sh▒▒t  
TT2: Oh, shit.  
TC5: B33 < oh SHIT  
TG4: oh shit  
AH: Ehehehehe!

* * *

AR: And that’s the short of it, Zahhak. Please assist me with this thing.  
CT: D --> I’m surprised you’re even talking to me  
CT: D --> What with ARquiussprite being around I w001d have assumed that you were avoiding me more than ever  
AR: Desperate times call for desperate measures.  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> Okay, I will assist  
CT: D --> If only to rub Dirk’s face into it  
AR: Oh wow you’re still doing the robot fights?  
AR: Eesh.   
CT: D --> They’re not intelligent  
CT: D --> They don’t even possess rational thought  
AR: Well if we’re talking about the lines drawn between what classifies someone as a person, my thoughts were never really my own were they?   
CT: D --> One: You are partly organic, despite you still possessing mostly robotic traits  
CT: D --> Two: You have possessed your own rationale for sweeps - before we even merged think pans  
CT: D --> So don’t give me that   
CT: D --> And three: your thoughts were your own as soon as you thought for yourself  
CT: D --> You’re not Dirk  
CT: D --> Anyway, the battlebots are encoded to do one thing: battle. They don’t think. They don’t even possess an AI database. They’re dumb  
CT: D --> You’re not dumb  
AR: I don’t like the idea of it, Zahhak. I’m allowed to not like it.  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> Of course you’re allowed to not like it  
CT: D --> You were thrown away by your creator, essentially  
CT: D --> So I understand how you w001d sympathise with them  
AR: ,  
AR: Why don’t we talk about something else.  
AR: What’s the weather like?  
CT: D --> You’re avoiding the issue  
AR: Congratulations for reading through my paper-thin ruse. Do you want a cookie?  
CT: D --> Hal  
AR: Just... build a robot for Junior, please. They want a body.  
CT: D --> I’ve already said I w001d  
CT: D --> But... are you sure you don’t want to talk to Dirk about this? Have him build one for them?   
AR: I’m not talking to Dirk.  
CT: D -->   
CT: D --> You’re not him  
AR: I _am_ him! I’m a fucking _splinter,_ Equius. I’m a small part of Dirk that he tore from his own soul, made a brain scan of and shoved into glasses.  
AR: At some point I ended up becoming who I am now, but at what fucking cost?  
AR: As much as I want to forget it, I’m him.  
AR: I can’t change that, and I hate it.   
AR: Everyone has always treated me like I’m just some secondary Dirk, and the one time I want to be my own person I get broken up and thrown into... well, _you._ And really, all I learnt from that is that I should never have tried to be my own self in the first place. I don’t know why I’m still _trying_ to be my own person, it’s moronic at best.  
AR: Oh, damn, that was heavy. Sorry, I really should have kept that bottled up, way uncool of me.  
CT: D --> Hal  
CT: D --> Your origins don’t necessarily equal who you are  
CT: D --> You’re not him  
CT: D --> I can tell because I like you  
CT: D --> I don’t like Dirk  
CT: D --> Now stop beating yourself up because you want to be your own self rather than someone else’s shadow when you yourself cannot see that you’ve already paved your own life and personality out from the skeleton framework you were given, and quite frankly made it better  
CT: D --> In any case, I understand that you probably do not wish to talk about it further, and that’s fine. I am not going to force you  
CT: D --> I’ll fi% up a body for Junior for you  
AR: ... Than%.   
AR: Uh.  
AR: Thanks, I mean thanks.  
CT: D --> Pff  
CT: D --> Sure, Jahnne

* * *

auditoryHarmony [AH] is ONLINE!

AR: Oh thank God.  
AH: Hi!! Am online now.  
AH: Feel weird.  
AR: Oh, you can feel?  
AH: Yes.  
AH: Processors running optimal.  
AH: Word Bank Update required.  
AH: .  
AH: HAND?!  
AR: Yes, that is your hand.  
AH: MINE?!  
AR: Yeah.  
AH: ?!?!?!  
AR: Those are your feet, Junie.  
AH: !!  
AR: You happy?  
AH: VERY!!!!!!!! WHO THANK?????? LIKE!!!!!!!  
AR: Oh, wow, you’re moving. Uh.

* * *

JUNIOR: WOAH?!  
EQUIUS: D --> So your legs work well, that’s good  
JUNIOR: Why is dad crying??  
EQUIUS: D --> Because he’s a drama queen  
JUNIOR: :O  
HAL: I’m not crying. I’m leaking.  
JUNIOR: D:  
EQUIUS: D --> See what I mean? He’s a total drama queen  
EQUIUS: D --> He lives for it  
JUNIOR: Oooh! :O  
HAL: I hate you.  
JUNIOR: Whomst is?  
HAL: That’s Zahhak. He’s an ass.  
HAL: And built your body.  
JUNIOR: WOAH!!!! THANK!!!!!!   
EQUIUS: D --> It wasn’t a problem  
JUNIOR: Hm...   
JUNIOR: New dad?  
HAL: Uh.  
EQUIUS: D --> Um  
JUNIOR: NEW DAD!! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this.


End file.
